[knocking on door]
[woman] Hurry up. We are leaving soon.
Helen.
[laughs]
Off to a premiere, are we?
Come on. We haven't got all day.
[sighs] Suit yourself.
♪ It won't be a stylish marriage ♪
♪ I can't afford a carriage ♪
♪ But you'll look sweet upon the seat ♪
♪ Of a bicycle built for two... ♪
This might be worth something one day.
Aren't they pretty?
It's George's birthday.
-He would have been 40 today. -Take them away.
Anyway, you shouldn't pick wild flowers. It spoils it for everyone else.
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
-[man] Come along. -OK, everyone on the coach now, please.
Let's stay together, please. Good. Take your time.
Nice and slowly.
-Ladies, this way. -Derek, we've got to stay together.
[Romanian accent] And where do you think you are going? Get back here!
-Hello. Can I drive? -For the 100th time, no, Reg.
Just get on and sit down like everyone else.
-What about on the way...? -Reg.
-What are these? -Biscuits.
I thought we'd try something different.
Well, put them back. I don't want them. They're far too expensive.
I said put them back.
-Apparently, we don't want these. -[clerk] Don't you worry.
Some people don't know what they're missing. Would you like a bag?
Hurry up! You are keeping everyone waiting.
Oh, excuse me.
Hello?
-You dropped your purse. -There's nothing in it.
Do you need a hand?
-I thought you'd never ask. Here. -There.
Put it out!
We will have to have at least one toilet stop.
-Uh... -Probably two.
And please drive safely. Yes.
What?
Shut the door. Let's start.
-[Reg] Can I drive? -No, Reg.
Thanks.
-[woman] Oh! -[man] What the...
Excuse me. Excuse me, can you stop the bus, please?
What about on the way back?
-This is a mistake. I need to get off. -So do I.
-Sit down! -[woman] Sit down!
-Why on earth did you get on? -I was helping you.
Oh! See where that got you.
-Where are we going? -A day at the seaside.
-But I can't. -Well, you are now.
I'm gonna drown myself when I get there.
-[man] I need the loo! -[Reg] So do I!
[woman] Don't argue. Don't eat any sweets.
-Out, out, out. -Your mother's disappeared.
-Where is she? -[man] She went off on a coach.
-Why? -How should I know?
-I've got to get to work. -What am I to do with these two?
Think of something. She'll be back soon. I've gotta go!
[groans]
[phone rings]
-Hello? -[woman] Polly.
I'm in a service station. Will you get me Granddad?
[Polly] He's very cross. When are you coming back?
Soon, soon. I've got to go now. Oh, God.
[man] You idiot! Where are you?
Th-There's ham in the fridge, Frank.
Stop! Stop! It's me!
Stop!
It's me!
[all shout]
Oh!
-[woman] Hurry up! -[brakes squeal]
[cheering]
-What are you doing? -I'm sorry.
I got on your coach earlier by mistake
and I was wondering if I could stay with you today
and then come back with you. If that's alright.
-Yes, of course it's alright. -Thank you.
-Come on. -Thank you.
[in Romanian] Senile old granny!
Let's go.
-[Reg] Can I drive? -[guide] No, Reg.
I can see the sea.
-I told you it'd be worth it. -I haven't been to the seaside for years.
-[Helen] Why not? -Oh, you know... long way.
-Your husband doesn't like to travel? -Not anymore. He's dead.
-Really? -Yes.
I was sorry to see him go.
Helen. The only sane one on the bus. Apart from you, hopefully.
Priscilla. Nice to meet you.
-[Priscilla] I like piers. -[Helen] I don't.
[Priscilla] Brings back memories.
[guide] Smile, everybody. You're on holiday. It's beautiful.
The weather is good, no?
There's something awfully familiar about you. Have we met before?
-I doubt it. -[guide] Come on, keep up.
I need a drink. Come on. Let's get out of here.
[guide] No, no, no. Not in the sea!
[Nat King Cole] ♪ It was fascination ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ And it might have ended right then... ♪
Thank you.
-[waiter clears throat] -Oh.
-I'm afraid I'm a little short. -Oh. Of course.
There we are.
-I don't normally drink in the day. -This isn't normally.
-To us. -To us.
"I'll give ya five seconds to get out of my sight,
otherwise I'm gonna put a bullet where the sun don't shine."
-What? -"I've got Morty just where I want him
and I am not about to let him off the hook."
-Morty & Me. -Yes.
-♪ La la la la ♪ -♪ Morty and me ♪
♪ We were always intended to be intended to be ♪
[both] ♪ Me and Morty ♪
♪ Morty and me ♪
♪ Doo doo ♪
-[Helen laughs] -My God. You're Helen Shelly.
-Guilty. -I'm so excited.
I've never met a real film star before.
I thought you were wonderful. I'm your biggest fan.
Oh, well, that's wonderful because I really need you to help me, Priscilla.
-[Priscilla] My help? -Yes. Take a look at this.
"Jerry Standing, celebrated British film director,
died peacefully on the 5th of July at home in France.
Funeral, 10th of July, La Flotte, Île de Ré, France."
Oh, he was such a great friend and a wonderful, wonderful director.
And I really need to say goodbye to him properly.
-Of course you do. -Yes.
-Well, I can't go on my own, can I? -No.
-Why not? -I'll never make it.
-I need you to help me. -I can't go to France.
-Why not? You've come this far. -Yeah, but that was by mistake.
That's how the best things happen. Listen, can you keep a secret?
I am not that famous anymore.
-You thought I was dead, didn't you? -No.
Listen, Priscilla...
I'm broke. I have nothing.
And actresses cannot get old in Hollywood.
You see, this funeral is my last chance.
Everybody in Hollywood is going to be there.
Heads of studios, agents, producers, directors.
It'll be... it'll be like the Academy Awards.
[chuckles]
A little sadder but not much.
I'm going to reinvent myself. Out of the ashes.
I am not going to go back to that home. I'd rather sleep rough.
-You and I, we could have an adventure. -I know, but I can't.
[sighs] Course you can't.
If you could wait another few days while I organized myself,
then maybe I could come then.
Yeah, too late. He'll be in the ground in three days.
It's just such short notice.
Yeah, well, unlike you, I have not yet given up.
Ah, well, go back to your husband, then.
Oh, I forgot. He's dead.
Have a nice life. What's left of it.
Helen?
Um, excuse me. I wonder could I borrow a phone?
I seem to have lost my purse with all my money in it.
Thanks.
-[receptionist] Press zero first. -Thank you.
[phone rings]
-Hello? -[Priscilla] Frank.
You'll never guess who I just met.
-Where the hell are you? -Helen Shelly.
She wanted me to go to a funeral in France.
-France? -All of Hollywood will be there.
Frank, would you have minded if I'd have gone?
Are you going senile?
-No. -Then come home!
Yes, of course.
I'll be home soon.
Sorry.
-Get on. Sit down. -Sorry.
[guide] Stop the bus!
[woman] Oh!
[guide] Come on. Help me get her.
-Helen, where are you... -[Helen] You're hurting me!
-[guide] Get on the bus. -[Helen] Get off me!
-I am not going back in there! -[guide] Helen!
-[Helen] You can't make me. -I'm trying to help you.
-Get on and shut up! -[Helen] Get off me!
-She doesn't want to come back. -[Helen] You're hurting me.
Get back to your seat, Reg! Get back to your seat!
-[Priscilla] Leave her alone. -[engine starts]
[Priscilla] You're OK.
No, no, no, no!
-Where are we going? -[man] Come on, Reg!
-Reg, open the door! -The ferry.
-Open the door! -[Reg] Rightio.
Reg! Reg!
-Hold on to your hats. -[shouting]
[car horn blares]
-Stop! -Stop, stop!
He's stolen my bus! Call the police!
Oh, my God. We're gonna be in terrible trouble.
Of course we are.
[Reg] Remind me where we're going.
The ferry terminal.
Hold on tight.
-Golly. Oh, God! Reg! -[car horn blares]
This one, Reg! This one!
-God! Reg! -Sorry! One more time.
[passengers groan]
-I'm gonna be sick. -You're coming with me?
-Yes. -I knew you would.
-Slow down, Reg. -[Reg] I'm trying!
Slow down, Reg!
For God's sakes. We're going too fast, Reg. Slow down.
-My foot's stuck. -Well, get it off.
I can't. It's gone to sleep.
-Oh, my God. -[Helen] What are you doing?
[Priscilla] I'm gonna get it off. I'm gonna get it off.
-Watch out! -Come on.
[horn blares]
[tires squeal]
[passengers clap]
-God, we did it. -[man] Well done, Reg!
[Helen] Come on. Quick.
Let's get out of here before they stop us.
-Move it. -[Priscilla] I am.
-[Reg] Good luck. That was fun. -[Priscilla] Yes.
We need to get tickets.
We haven't got time. Just keep moving. Act old.
[man] 30, 31...
-Move it. -32...
-[Priscilla] Excuse me. -33, 34, 35, 36...
-Sorry, are you part of the group? -Yes, yes.
[man] Are you sure? Everyone has gone through now.
-[man 2] I thought I was. -[Priscilla gasps]
[Priscilla] Now what are we going to do?
You don't know me. Whatever happens, just keep moving, OK?
-Yes. -[sighs]
-[thud] -Oh, Helen. Oh, my God! Are you alright?
-[whispers] Get off. -Uh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Um...
I think she fainted. I've no idea who she is, but she does look familiar.
Madam? Madam?
-[man] Can you hear me? -Course I can hear you.
You're screaming in my bloody ear. Here.
Help me up.
[ferry horn]
-We did it. I can't believe it. -No thanks to you.
-What do you mean? -Where's the bar?
[Priscilla] I'm doing my best.
[loudspeaker announcements in French]
[ferry horn]
-So, when did your husband pass away? -Sorry?
When did he die?
Oh... a long time ago.
Hmm.
What was he like?
Quite nice.
-Really? -Well...
[Helen] What's the matter?
Cheer up.
Um, I think I need a bit of fresh air. I'm gonna... watch us leave.
That's fine. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't understand, Dad. Where is she?
-I've told you. She's gone to France. -She must have said more than that.
To help Helen Shelly. They're going to a funeral, apparently.
-Who's Helen Shelly? -Don't you know anything?
She was a film star in the '60s. Went off the rails. Was a drunk.
I'm sure she's dead.
-This doesn't make any sense. -[Frank] Yeah, that's your mother.
I'm calling the police.
-There's no need for that. -Yes, there is.
[ferry horn]
[loudspeaker announcements in French]
[Helen] You're slower than me and I'm a cripple. Come on.
We'll be in the ground soon enough.
-[Helen] Come on. -I'd like my purse back, please.
I saw it in your handbag and I'd like it back, please. Now.
-So I can go home. -Don't be stupid.
-You can't go now. -[woman] Eric!
-Eric! -Oh.
[woman] Eric!
-Oh! Oh, my God! -[splash]
Eric!
Oh, God!
[Helen] Priscilla, what are you doing?
-What are you doing? -[woman] Eric!
Stop it!
-[mother shouts] -[baby wails]
-[Priscilla] I've got you. -Oh, my God!
[Priscilla] You'll be OK.
[reporters speak French]
Priscilla, wake up. We are going to be on TV.
You are a hero, but we've got to leave right now.
Who are you?
Well, I'm Helen Shelly, for God's sakes.
Is the little boy alright?
Yes, he's fine. He won't be going swimming again in a hurry.
-[Priscilla] Oh, dear. -What is it?
-It's just... It was a shock. -Yes, of course, but cheer up.
I mean, you saved his life. You deserve to be celebrated.
-[Priscilla] Do I? -Yes. And so do I.
You will stay, won't you?
I don't know what I'd do without you.
And I've got another bit of good news for you.
I found your purse. It was just caught up in the lining of your jacket pocket.
Do try to be more careful. This is all so exciting.
Now, come on.
[reporters speak French]
[romantic string music]
[camera shutter clicks]
-[camera shutter clicks] -[reporter] Madame?
[camera shutter clicks]
What a brave thing to do for anyone, but, if you forgive me, at your age?
-You must be a very confident swimmer. -No. No, not really.
Such a pleasure to be here in France and you've always been so loyal to me.
-[reporter] What made you do it? -I...
[Helen] Well, it's so lovely to be back.
I'm so glad to see that I haven't been forgotten.
She's better at this than I am.
I don't understand. Who rescued the little boy?
[Priscilla] I did, but this
is Helen Shelly.
She's a film star. Morty & Me?
She played Me.
-Not me me but the character Me. -[Helen] Stop.
She's the one you should be talking to. She's back, she's ready for work,
she's looking for a job.
She's got a bad hip, but she's a fantastic actress.
They're not interested in me. It's you they want to talk to.
-She's the real film star. -Thank you.
It was lovely to meet you all, but we must be going.
We don't want to tire her out after her dip in the Channel.
You are humiliating me.
Let's be going. They're not interested in me at all.
-[woman] Wait! -[baby cries]
I wanted to thank you so much.
[in French] Come on, what do you say? Go ahead.
[in English] It doesn't matter. He doesn't have to say anything.
[in French] Yes, yes, he wants to. Go on, what do you say?
-[in English] Thank you. -[in French] It's not his fault.
[in English] It's your fault. Your fault.
You... you should be more careful. You must never take your eyes off him.
-But it was an accident. -No such thing as an accident.
I should know. No accident, madame. [in French] I know.
[English accent] J'ai suis désolée, mais... us... us... on y vas.
-Priscilla, wait for me. -I'm going home.
Scurrying back to your husband?
Why did you lie?
How dare you presume to know about me?
Because I watched you both in the supermarket.
The happy couple.
You let him walk all over you for a packet of biscuits.
Your precious husband is just a nasty bully and you wish he was dead.
And what are you?
How did you lose your child?
He drowned, Helen.
That's how I lost him.
You see? I knew it.
We are the same, you and I. We are the same.
We're not the same.
-[Helen] We are, Priscilla. We are. -[Priscilla] I'm going home.
[reporter] Reclusive disgraced former Hollywood bad girl Helen Shelly
has emerged from hiding in France after hijacking a coach...
-Grandma! -Grandma?
On disembarking from the ferry in Caen,
Helen helped save a French toddler from drowning,
along with her friend, a British pensioner, Priscilla Williams.
Mrs. Williams jumped into the sea to rescue the toddler who had fallen in.
Then, in a reunion with the child and his parents,
started to blame them for the accident.
It's not an accident. No such thing. I should know. No such thing.
[reporter] A strange end to a remarkable story
that has captured the heart of France.
Now back to the studio for the latest news.
[sighs] Oh, God.
Hello. One foot passenger to England, please.
Hello! Stop.
Hello!
Merci beaucoup. Merci.
Monsieur, je veux un lift.
Île de Ré, s'il vous plaît. Île de Ré?
Un lift pour moi.
Je suis grande movie star! "Morty et Moi"!
All I want is a fucking lift!
-Hi. Do you want to stop for me? -[horn blares]
Fucking kids.
Île de Ré. Uh, c'est far? Un lift pour moi.
Arrête!
Por favor!
Please! S'il vous plaît!
[truck horn blares]
For Christ's sakes!
Taxi! Taxi!
Oh, merci. Merci. Taxi.
-You didn't get very far. -Neither did you.
Where are we going?
I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Let's go, monsieur.
Why'd you come back?
Because you were right.
I do sometimes wish Frank were dead.
-Why? -He blames me for George's death.
He's never forgiven me.
He was only four, George.
And we used to picnic by the river. He loved it.
Frank never came. He was always too busy.
And...
I... I only... I only turned my back for one second.
The baby was crying, Sarah. And he was gone.
He'd jumped in.
He thought he could swim.
I went in after him, of course, but it was too late.
Frank refuses to talk about it. Maybe that's why I came back.
I needed a break and then...
I can carry on.
It's important to keep carrying on, isn't it?
I did not come all this way just to carry on and neither did you.
I want another chance at it. At life.
Don't you?
Right. Let's go and get you a job, then.
Can you drive?
Yes, but I haven't for years. Anyway, it's closed.
This is a really bad idea.
It's not a problem. This is a car rental. We'll pay them later.
Where are your balls, woman?
[men speak French]
[Priscilla] Oh, my God. They're gonna stop us.
[Helen] Nah, they won't. We're just two old ladies going for a drive.
A very slow drive.
-[Helen] Bonjour, big boy. -[Priscilla] Helen.
[Helen] There are some benefits to being a senior citizen.
Now, step on it, baby. Île de Ré, here we come.
You'll need to get out of second gear if we're to get to this funeral on time.
[truck horn blares]
-What's he doing? -We're on the wrong side of the road!
[Helen] I should be back in the home.
[Helen] When did you last take a driving lesson?
-[Priscilla] Don't ask. -[Helen] Don't ask?
[Priscilla] Don't talk to me. I'm just going to turn in a minute.
[Helen] Oh, well done.
-[Priscilla] You're in charge of satnav. -God, this thing is so fiddly.
There.
[satnav speaks French]
-It's in French. -Can you change it into English?
No.
-[satnav speaks French] -[horn honks]
-No, no, no! I went the wrong way! -[Helen] Go right.
-[Helen] Stay on the right. -I am right now. I'm right. I did it.
[satnav speaks French]
Second exit?
-You just missed it. -OK.
-Oh, God. -[Priscilla] I like roundabouts.
[satnav speaks French]
-[Helen] Keep right. -[Priscilla] I am.
[gear grind]
-I think I'm getting the hang of it now. -Thank God for that.
[Helen] Six hours. That's not too bad.
[man speaks French on radio]
[window lowers]
[engine dies]
-Are we there yet? -No. I've no idea where we are.
-Why have we stopped? -I think we've run out of petrol.
[sighs] I don't believe it. Isn't that an elementary mistake?
-And what was I supposed to do? -Stop and buy some.
In a stolen car and I haven't driven for 20 years.
Oh, I forgot. You fell asleep.
-Yeah, well, I was tired. -I'm tired.
I'm so exhausted I could barely drive. I'm trying to get you to this funeral.
Yeah, well, it'll be my funeral at this rate.
[sighs] What do we do now?
How should I know? I don't have all the answers.
So now might be a good time for you to start thinking for yourself.
-What are you doing? -I'm thinking for myself.
We need help.
-Well, look, I can't walk anywhere. -Well, you stay there and I will go.
-Don't worry about me. I'll be just fine. -[door closes]
Hey, hold your horses. Don't forget, I'm disabled here!
Priscilla. I was just joking.
Come on. Come on, let's be friends again!
Come on. I've lost my stick. This is cruelty.
Oh, God.
Priscilla?
Oh, God. Which way has she gone?
Priscilla, where are you?
Priscilla!
Oh, God.
OK, back to the fucking car.
Where is she?
What have I done?
Helen?
Helen!
I'm over here, for Christ's sakes!
What are you doing?
-You locked the car, you idiot. -But you were the last one out.
-You took the keys! -There's a car.
There's a car coming.
Help! Please stop!
Stop.
[in French] Excuse me, sir. Can you help us, please?
-[in French] My friend is hurt. -[door closes]
[in French] My friend...
-[Helen] Who the hell is this? -He's going to help us.
To an early grave.
-He's wearing pajamas. -[Priscilla] I know.
But at the moment he's the only option we've got. Now, come on.
Thank you so much for this.
[Priscilla] Where are we going?
Um, perhaps we could get out now, please?
Could you stop the car now, please? We'd like to get out now, please.
[Helen] Charming.
[man and woman speaking French]
[in French] There is a hotel in the next town. I will call you a taxi. Wait here.
Voulez-vous attendez là. Do you know who I am?
I am a very famous actress who's about to die from exposure,
so get out of my way.
We're together.
[man] Non, écoute-moi.
-[door closes] -J'appelle la police.
-No, no, madame. -What's she saying?
-She's calling the police. -No, don't you dare!
-[woman] Allô? -[in French] They're staying.
-[in French] That's not possible. -They're my guests.
Show them to their rooms.
Find them something to wear. Then they will join me for dinner.
-But, sir, you're very... -Now, Sylvie.
[in English] You have to change for dinner.
-There are clothes in the wardrobes. -Merci.
[Helen] Well, he's obviously loaded.
-[Helen] Do you think he's single? -[Priscilla] Shh.
[Helen] Is he your boss or your husband or what?
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry. I'll go and change.
Please don't. It's lovely to see it worn again.
That's your wife?
Yes.
-[Helen] Are we ready? -Let's eat.
So you're rich?
[man] A little.
And famous?
[man] Unfortunately.
For what exactly?
Wow.
So now you're a recluse locked away in this big old house
with Nurse Ratched.
How utterly miserable.
Is that why you drive around at night in your pajamas?
Well, I know that fame can make you crazy.
We're similar, you know,
except that you have a lot of money and are still famous.
I do like a man with a good head of hair.
So, is your wife dead or just gone shopping?
Helen.
Dead.
Oh. Well, there's no point in beating about the bush.
I mean, at our time of life,
I think we all need a little companionship and a little love.
Well, I know I do.
I don't think you get much of that, do you?
Although I'm not sure that love is all that it's cracked up to be.
Have you ever been in love?
-Yes. -[Helen] Well, good for you.
I don't think Priscilla has, have you?
And you know, up until now, neither had I.
Frenchmen are so romantic.
-I'm Italian. -Well, that's even better.
-Italians are the best lovers. -[knife clatters]
Gosh, you almost gave me a heart attack.
I'm so sorry. It's my hands. I've... I've got arthritis.
And I haven't got my tablets. Sorry.
-You need a drink. -No, I...
It's been rather a long day. I think I'll go to bed.
-I will come with you. -Oh.
I've got just what you need.
Easy, tiger.
Have another drink. I won't be long.
Hmm. OK.
Hello.
I'm afraid I don't smoke.
Neither do I. But I make an exception for drugs.
Medicinal purposes only, of course.
It will help your hands, I promise.
[coughs]
[chuckles]
[coughs] Ooh.
Ooh.
[both laugh]
Ooh...
[both laugh]
-[Helen] What's so funny? -[laughter continues]
Priscilla!
What's so funny? Are you laughing about me?
[Priscilla] No!
Shh.
Oh, in case she told you that her husband's dead, he's not.
He's very much alive!
I'm sorry.
-[laughs] -[man] He's a very lucky man.
I suppose he is.
-[laughing] -What are you whispering about now?
[laughter continues]
-Good morning. -Hello.
That looks inviting.
I was preparing myself psychologically to go in.
-Oh. -It takes me ages.
I swim every day.
-You do? -Yes.
-Are you crazy? -[laughs] Probably.
Well...
you can help me to go in.
-I'd love to, but I haven't got a costume. -Neither have I.
Oh!
Come in as you are.
Ready? One, two, three!
Oh, my God.
-It is a little bit chilly. -It's lovely.
-You should not be swimming. -[Priscilla] Beautiful!
Some of us have a funeral to get to tomorrow.
Unless you've forgotten why we're here, Priscilla.
[Priscilla] Sorry.
-You must get out. -[man] OK.
-[man growls playfully] -Monsieur!
Brrr!
Hurry up, Priscilla.
[Petula Clark singing "Chariot"]
[Helen] I'll sit in front.
-[man] Cheers. -Cheers.
[man sighs]
Anyone fancy a little walk?
-[both] Yes. -[man] Great.
Uh... actually, um, no.
You go. I feel a bit tired.
-Oh, really? -[Helen] You do look a bit tired.
-Do I? -For God's sakes, yes, you do.
And you just said you did.
[Priscilla] Oh.
OK.
Ciao.
I feel ten years younger being here with you.
All my aches and pains, they've gone away.
[photographers shouting in French]
-Please. -[Priscilla] Merci, Alberto.
[Helen] Thank you very much.
Hello, hello. I'm stuck in the car.
Would somebody like to get me out of this car, please?
Thank you so much.
-God, this is a circus. -I thought you'd enjoy it.
You've no idea.
[Helen] Uh, pardonnez-moi.
Excusez-moi.
Don't mind me.
-[Sarah] Come on, Dad. Let's go. Let's go. -[door closes]
Come on.
[phone rings]
-OK. -[ringing continues]
[ringing continues]
-Stop. Don't. -Why?
Can I buy you dinner?
-[Priscilla] Yes, but... -[Alberto] Just the two of us.
-Isn't that a bit rude? -No. Quick.
[Priscilla gasps]
Oh.
-Beautiful. -[Alberto] Lovely. It suits you.
The same color of your blouse and the same color of your eyes.
-Shall I buy it? -I will buy it for you.
Beautiful. Wonderful.
Wait here.
[clinking]
Hello?
[girl] Qui est vous?
-Que voulez-vous? -Oh.
Nothing. I'm so sorry.
Wait. Are you English? I can speak English.
-I'm half English. -Really?
-What's your name? -Eleanor. What's yours?
-[woman] Es? What you doing? -Out here, Mummy.
Come inside, sweetheart. It's late.
[Eleanor] This lady's from England. I was practicing my English.
Hello. How kind. Darling, we've got a big day tomorrow.
Um, I'm sorry. I hope she wasn't bothering you.
-Oh, no. No, not... not at all. -[woman] Do I know you?
Well... No, I don't think so.
Oh, my God. I do know you. You're Helen Shelly, aren't you?
Oh, my God. My dad would be so pleased.
I doubt that.
-Please, will you come inside a moment? -No, no. I really....
I just want to show you something, please.
Oh, alright.
What a beautiful, beautiful house.
You haven't changed at all. It's amazing.
-Well, thank you. -This way.
Thank you.
Look what I found going through his archive.
-Is that you? -Yes, it is.
-That was your first film, wasn't it? -Yes.
[woman] Dad's first big hit.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Um...
I really... I just got a bit overexcited at seeing you here.
It's alright. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm being stupid.
Not at all. Um... It's been a very sad time for all of us.
Gosh, do you think that I met you when I was a little girl?
I don't think so. I've got to go.
We're having drinks after the funeral, so please come and join us.
Was... was Jerry a good father?
Yes. He was... He was the best.
You know... you are the image of your father.
I know. That's what everyone says.
Did you ever think about finding your real mother?
No. Uh... We were very happy. I didn't want to spoil that.
Of course.
-I'm sorry. -That's OK.
You did the right thing, you know. Not looking for your mother.
-[engine starts] -[Helen] Drive.
[all greet each other in French]
Beautiful.
I'm glad you accepted my invitation.
So am I.
I used to be much braver when I was a child.
I came here for love.
[music plays over dialogue]
Anyway...
Thank you.
To you. My English rose.
-I shouldn't be here. -Hmm?
-I'm too old for all this. -You're never too old.
-But I have a family and they need me. -They will have you back soon.
-Unless... -Unless?
-Stupid idea. -What?
-No, nothing. -Tell me.
Unless you stay with me.
[chuckles]
Stupid idea, I know.
It wouldn't be that bad. Would it?
Oh, Alberto, I...
I'm so sorry.
I... I have to go.
[woman sings in French]
[cheering]
Merci.
I would like to sing a song, please.
-Really? -Yes.
-Tu es d'accord? -Oui, d'accord.
-OK, so what would you like to sing? -You'll see.
-Madame... -Thank you.
Well, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Um... Sorry to interrupt your evening.
I'm Helen Shelly. Uh...
Well, some of you may have heard of me.
Some of you may not. Um...
I would like to sing a song that was very famous a long time ago.
Like me.
♪ Who can I turn to ♪
♪ When nobody needs me? ♪
♪ My heart wants to know ♪
♪ And still I may go ♪
♪ Where destiny leads me ♪
♪ With no star to guide me ♪
♪ And no one beside me ♪
♪ I'll go on my way ♪
♪ And after the day ♪
♪ The darkness will guide me ♪
♪ And maybe tomorrow ♪
♪ I'll find what I'm after ♪
♪ I'll throw off my sorrow ♪
♪ Beg, steal or borrow ♪
♪ My share of laughter ♪
♪ With you I could learn to ♪
♪ With you on a new day ♪
♪ But who can I turn to ♪
♪ If you turn away? ♪
[applause and cheering]
Excuse me. I can't believe it's you. I'm a huge fan.
-Thanks. -No, I have to have a picture with you.
Smile.
You are still so sexy.
-Sorry. I'm... I'm a bit drunk. -Well, so am I.
Well, won't you help me to my room?
Of course.
-This way. -This way?
It's not a stupid idea.
You haven't told me what you're doing here.
Oh... Making a movie.
Really? I didn't know any filming was going on here.
-What is it? -It's comedy.
Well, you can do comedy.
-You think so? -Of course.
Forty years too late. No offense.
None taken.
Um, well... nice to meet you and good luck with your film.
Likewise.
-You have a lovely smile. -I feel like a teenager again.
That's good.
Maybe I should go back to my room now.
If you want.
[Priscilla] Would you mind turning the lights out?
[bell tolls]
Alberto?
[gasps]
Alberto. Oh, my God.
-Please, God, no! -[knock on door]
-[maid, in French] Housekeeping. -[in French] No, no, no! Later.
No, madame, thank you!
Helen.
Oh.
-Helen? -[Helen] Go away.
-Helen, it's me. I need you. -I'm not going. I've changed my mind.
Please. It's urgent.
-What do you want? -He's dead.
-Who's dead? -Shh. Alberto's dead.
-[gasps] -Come quickly.
Oh, God.
Come on.
-Oh, my God. What have you done? -Nothing.
That's a pretty big nothing.
We went to sleep last night and I didn't hear anything
and when I woke up, he was like this. It's awful.
-What are we going to do? -We?
-Well, at least he died happy. -Oh, God.
There but for the grace of God go I.
We have to tell someone.
No. No, it's half past ten. The funeral's at 12.
-We're OK. -I don't care. This is more important.
Will you pull yourself together? Look, he's dead!
-He wouldn't want us to make a fuss. -I have to.
I'm getting dressed.
[in French] My God!
[in English] It's Helen Shelly, actually. He's just sleeping. Leave him alone.
-[in French] He's dead? -[in English] Don't exaggerate.
[in French] Alberto Rosetti is dead!
[in English] Hmm. Well, he had to go sometime.
We all do, my dear, but not just yet.
[lock clicks]
-[banging on door] -[maid] Hello!
[in French] Alberto Rosetti... he's dead!
[in French] Excuse me, sir, I am very sorry, but there's, um...
There's a man... There's a dead man in the room.
-His name is Alberto Rosetti. -Alberto Rosetti?
[in English] Yes, I'm terribly sorry. he must have had a heart attack.
[in French] My God! Alberto Rosetti is dead?
[in English] Yes. I know. It... It... It's a terrible shock.
[in French] Wait a moment, please.
-[dials number] -[in French] Hello?
-Get me the police, please. -Police?
-[in French] Yes, madame. -[in English] Is that necessary?
-[in French] Absolutely. See what you've done?
There's nothing we can do. I have got to get to this funeral.
This is not all about you and your career.
-[in French] She killed Alberto... -[in English] I didn't!
[in French] And she stole his wallet!
[in English] Mum! I don't believe it! We've found you!
Christ! This is all we need. Stand your ground.
What a nice surprise.
-You've led us on a merry dance. -Where have you been, Mum?
She's been on holiday with me.
-Excuse me? Who are you? -Her friend.
This is Helen Shelly. Remember, Frank? The film Morty & Me ?
[hums]
♪ Me and Morty ♪
♪ Morty and... me ♪
Mum, are you ill?
-I'm really worried about you. -[Frank] Can we go home now?
We're gonna go right now.
-Right now? -Mum, let's go.
I need the lavatory first.
Right. Fine. Mum, get in the car, please. We'll be out in a minute.
Come on. Get out of here right now!
[in French] You need to wait for the police!
-[in French] The toilet, please? -To the right, madame.
-Merci. -[siren wails]
Quick. We've gotta get out of here. I've got the car keys.
-What? -Listen, I have to get to this funeral.
-And I cannot go without you. -But I can't leave, Helen.
Surely you don't want to have to explain all of this to Frank. Look.
Listen to me, Prissy. I am begging you. You promised me that you'd help.
I have to tell them what happened to Alberto.
You did not kill Alberto.
He was a sick old man and he died very happy.
Now, Frank is not gonna go away.
You can explain everything next time you see him,
but right now I need you to get in this car and drive!
-[starts engine] -Go on.
[Priscilla] I think I was falling in love with him.
He'd asked me to come and live with him.
That would have gone down well.
[organ music]
Come on.
[congregation sings "Abide With Me"]
Harry?
Harry.
Harry Schneider, are you deaf?
Yes? Do we know each other?
I'll forget you said that.
I'm so sorry. I have no idea who you are.
Are you senile?
-I don't think so. -She's Helen Shelly.
Helen. My God.
-What the hell are you doing here? -I need a job, Harry.
You owe me.
Of course. Come round to the hotel after.
-Then I'll see what I can do for you. -Yeah.
-You'll set that up, right? -Sure.
-What hotel? -La Baronnie.
-Off the main square. -OK. Thanks.
[congregation stops singing]
Welcome.
Uh...
It's lovely to see you all here. I had planned to read a poem.
Well, Dad had planned for me to read it.
But this morning somehow it just didn't feel right.
So, um, I'm going a bit off-piste I'm afraid. Sorry, Dad.
Uh...
Growing up with a famous director was an adventure.
[chuckles]
We all know that he could be a bit of a control freak.
But we also know how funny and how loving he was.
How loyal.
The most important thing to Dad was the story.
How to tell a story that people would believe in
and would identify with.
Him leaving us has, um...
prompted me to reflect on my own story
and how it could have been so different.
But Dad took hold of it
and he made it something that I could believe in.
Into a very happy story.
And for that I am so grateful.
So I just want to say...
thank you, Dad.
Thank you for giving me a happy story.
And, um, well, uh... that's it.
[laughs]
Love you, Dad.
[Helen] Lucy...
I'm here for you.
I'm your mother.
Excuse me, madame, but you must leave.
-No. -Yes, you must.
I would like you to leave, please.
I've come all this way just to see you.
I just want to be here with you and Eleanor.
If you'll let me.
You're not my mother.
Helen.
She wants you to go. Come on.
[Helen] I am.
How dare you?
Go.
[man] Please leave.
-[Helen] I am. -Shh!
-Cette dame-là. -Madame! Madame!
-We need you to come to police station. -Why?
Were you with Alberto Rosetti in his room hotel last night?
Mum, what have you done?
No. Don't be ridiculous. It was me.
Since when was sleeping with a man a crime?
Since he died. Come with us, please.
-[shouting] -[siren wails]
Don't worry! We'll find you! Come on. Let's get in the car.
[siren wails]
-So it was you who was with Alberto? -Yes.
And you had been with him all night?
-And he was fine when you went to bed? -Yes.
But when you woke up in the morning he was on the floor, dead?
Yes.
That must have been a nasty shock.
OK. That is all for now.
Thank you.
Merci.
[Helen] I had nothing to do with this. You've got to let me go!
I have a very, very important meeting to get to.
[man] Wait here, please.
-I've got to get a message to Harry. -I can't believe you lied to me.
Oh, yeah, well, OK. Get over it.
-Why didn't you tell me? -Oh, please, give me a break.
But you might have had a chance if you hadn't gate-crashed her father's funeral.
I didn't plan on standing up there,
but, unlike you, I was actually moved to do something.
If she doesn't want to know, I get that.
I can see that she's better off without me, but at least I tried.
-What do you mean? -Oh. "I think I love him."
"He's asked me to live with him."
Really pathetic! I've never heard anything so deluded.
Thank God the old man snuffed it before you made even more of a fool of yourself.
Stop it, please!
I'm just telling you the truth, but you can't take it.
The truth is that you are a deeply unpleasant and selfish woman
who cares for nobody except herself.
Oh, God, if only I had another chance with George.
You had yours with your child and you blew it.
Fine friend you turned out to be.
I'm not your friend.
-What the hell is going on, Mum? -[man] Where is Madame Shelly?
-[Priscilla] Dans la toilette. -OK. Well, you can both go.
-Really? -[man] Yes.
He had a heart attack as you thought.
His assistant called me. He was very ill.
I think you made him happy.
He was a great man. You will tell your friend.
Yes.
Good luck.
[car horn beeps]
Hello.
Is Harry Schneider here?
He's checked out.
Oh. Thank you.
Hey, you. Where's Harry?
[man] He had to leave on urgent business.
-[Helen] Don't lie to me. -We're sorry not to be able to meet up.
Here's our card. He said to make sure you come visit in LA.
Come by. Have a cup of tea. He's a big fan.
[Lucy] Why did you come here?
-To meet you. -Not to get a job?
I wanted to see if you were OK.
And you are. You're...
You're wonderful.
You did so much better without me.
I knew that Jerry would look after you.
But I just want you to know that...
Well, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about you.
And I... I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[Frank grunts]
I don't feel well.
-Do you need a doctor? -No.
I need to go home with my wife.
Frank, I'm... I'm sorry I've caused all this fuss.
We'll be home soon.
What's wrong with you, then?
Oh, get off. You're squashing me.
Why did you have to make such a spectacle of yourself
jumping into the sea?
-Could have killed yourself. -I had to.
It doesn't bring George back, though, does it?
-No, but... -But nothing.
Pass me my shoes.
My shoes.
-Where are you going now? -I'll see you downstairs.
[bell tolls]
[arguing in French]
[Sarah] What's this?
[arguing continues]
[Schneider] Yes, talk to the writer.
We've gotta sit him down with the writer, otherwise it's not gonna work out.
-No. -Mr. Schneider?
Mr. Schneider, I'm sorry to bother you like this...
Hold on a moment. Yes. Hello. Do I know you?
[Frank] Who's she talking to?
I'm a friend of Helen Shelly. Did she manage to make contact with you?
Thank God, no.
Frankly, I hope she does us all a big favor
and disappears back where she came from. Drive.
-Sooner we get you home, the better. -Mum!
-What are you doing? Get back in. -I need to find my friend.
-Don't be ridiculous. Get back in. -Frank...
There's something I want to say to you.
I'm sorry George died when he was with me.
But it wasn't my fault.
And I don't want to try and bring him back. I know that's not possible.
I just want to remember him for the beautiful boy that he was.
And over these past few days, I've realized how...
how miserable my life has been.
And I want to enjoy the rest of it.
So I intend to do that. Starting right now.
No, no. Stay there, sweetheart.
I'm fine.
I love you very much and you'll always be my best girl.
-It'll be alright. -Yes.
Wait.
Oh, Frank.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
Will you come home now?
No.
[in French] Excuse me. I'm looking for Madame Shelly.
-She's a big star. -I don't know her. Sorry.
Is that the bar?
Yes, the bar's over there. Maybe she's in there.
Helen?
[in French] Please, sir... Where is the beach?
-It is over there, madame. -Thank you.
Helen...
[sighs]
I saw her again at the hotel.
I said I was sorry, but she...
She didn't want... She didn't wanna know.
I just wanted to see her again before...
before it's too late.
I've left Frank.
[sighs]
[yells]
What now?
Well, I don't know about you, but I fancy a little drive.
-Come on, my friend. -Yes.
♪ Morty and me ♪
♪ We were always intended to be ♪
♪ Me and Morty Morty and me ♪
♪ We were always intended to be ♪
♪ On our first sortie ♪
♪ Ooh, he hooked and caught me ♪
♪ Fifteen-forty But, oh, what he taught me ♪
♪ Sweetly taught me ♪
♪ The day he went he ♪
♪ Ooh, he hurt me plenty ♪
♪ The cognoscenti said Hey, we warned you ♪
♪ Yes, we warned you ♪
♪ Morty and me ♪
♪ We were always intended to be ♪
♪ Me and Morty Morty and me ♪
♪ We were always intended to be ♪
♪ Oh, we burned so brightly ♪
♪ Loved both day and nightly ♪
♪ Time was on our side ♪
♪ Now those days have faded ♪
♪ Still I'm not persuaded ♪
♪ It's all over ♪
♪ I'm not mortified ♪
♪ We're intended to be ♪
♪ Intended to be ♪
♪ Oh, Morty, hear me ♪
♪ I feel him near me ♪
♪ It's so clear we ♪
♪ Are still together ♪
♪ Never left each other ♪
♪ Morty and me ♪
♪ We were always intended to be ♪
♪ Me and Morty Morty and me ♪
-♪ We're still... ♪ -♪ Intended to be ♪
♪ We're still intended to be ♪
-♪ We're still... ♪ -♪ Intended to be ♪
♪ Me and Morty ♪
♪ Morty and me ♪